Fire Fire Burning Bright

The fire still burns. I have been trying to call my parents all day, and as luck would have it they aren't home or they are avoiding the call. My parents have not called me once since the fire began, I am not surprised but I am a little angry. I talk to my parents once every month or two for about 10 mins. They really aren't interested in me as a person and I know for a fact I wasn't planned. My father wasn't suppose to be able to get anyone pregnant but I guess he had one lucky shot in him, too bad that shot came when he was climbing the ladder towards 40. My mother had me when she was 35 years-old and my father was 39. They weren't bad parents; however, not being bad does not qualify one as being good. My parents did the minimum, they loved me but weren't affectionate, I have no idea if they were ever proud or angry, I don't know if I every really gave them cause either way. I guess you could say they were more like care takers. It'ss pretty sad but when I was in Jr. High I told some friends I had that they were my grandparents and that my mom and dad had died in a car crash when I was a baby. I just didn't want to admit that these old people who didn't do much more then blink at me were my parents. I had seen other parents of course and they just didn't fit the bill.


So why would I be angry at them for not calling or answering? This is something I should expect I know, but its easier to be mad at them then at my friends. My friends for a long time have been my true family, and I don't want to be angry with them for going away, being married or being with their families at a time like this. I feel very abandoned right now. The stupid city is burning down around my ears, and I feel trapped, I have no one to call and no where to go.


Okay I have whined for the last 20 minutes, poor me, my friends are gone, and my parents suck...boohoo. It could be worse my house is still standing I have the important things ready if I need to leave. I am not leaving unless I have to. This is my house I still owe tons of money on it, if its going to burn down I want to watch it catch with my own eyes before I leave it.

I think I am going to go find out where Aaron (one of my few remaining friends in the area)is. I have called and called him over the past few days and no answer, I even called his wife's phone and nothing. I am going to pound on his door and impose, I am sick of being couped up and alone. A drive will be nice, plus I can see how far the fire has spread and exactly what I am dealing with. It is going to be another long day.

Tranquilnow@gmail.com
~Johnny~
Otter Pop blues

Should I stay or should I go?

Today has been a very long and trying day.

The fire is still blazing pretty much out of control. The west end of Simi is totally evacuated, plenty of people from the east end of Simi have left. At least 30 houses have been claimed by the fire and I guess a few hundred people are without a place to stay. The city has converted the YMCA and the Boys and Girls clubs into make shift shelters for anyone who needs them. I guess the Chemical portion of the fire is out, the smoke isn't black anymore but it is everywhere. It is so hard to breath here, being from the LA area I am use to gray skies, this however is something completely different. Ash is falling everywhere, and the smoke is so thick it has visibility reduced to 20ft in some place. It hasn't been all bad news though, we are no longer restricted to our homes, but we are still on evacuation watch. I guess I was being paranoid about what I saw over the weekend because we are all over the news now. It is hard to imagine that in the day and age we live in that a fire might be able to take a whole city out. The news is saying that it's a real possibility unless we get help soon, the Governator has begged all available fire departments to send help. Access to Simi is still closed off, I should really go, but the question is go where? My parents moved to Oregon last summer, all of my friends have pretty much gone, the few friends I have left here are all with their families, it is terrible. The feeling of isolation is totally unexpected. I have always been a person who does well alone, I never felt like I needed people, but that may have only been true because people were always around for me. This is the first time that I don't have anyone at arms reach when I need them. My nature is not to be introspective, it is just something I don't do. For me my vision always falls on whatever is in front of me, the past is gone and the future is to far away. Some might consider this being too narrow, I always fancied it as living in the moment. Oh well it is whatever it is.

I packed my things, well the important things and the things that fit in my car. Every important piece of paper is packed and ready to go, my hard drive is backed up on an external drive and my laptop is packed too. Aside from that I grabbed a few trinkets and clothes. Here is an exercise. Sit in your house and look at everything you own, now pick the 5 most important things. For me I only had like 3 things that were important to me. My hard drive was important, it has pictures and everything I wrote in school. My car keys because it holds my freedom, and a few trinkets from my childhood. Those are my important things, my laptop isn't important, neither are the clothes those I just needthem for convenience. My birth certificate, ID, social security card, and Medical info are not important. These are Items that society needs me to have, but to live and cherish the life I have lived they have zero consequence.

I keep coming back to the one thing I can't get over about the past few days. The guys in the yellow hazmat suits. It's like when you loose a tooth and your tongue keeps swooping through the hole, you know its gone but you just can't keep yourself from checking. No one seems to have seen them but me. Enough of my obsessing, I have bigger hotter things to worry about right now.


Tranquilnow@gmail.com
~Johnny~
If I Stay there could be trouble

The Fire

Not much has happened since yesterday. The fire is looking pretty bad, at least from what I can tell. The smoke is really black and it's everywhere, it's actually pretty hard to breath if you go outside for more then a few minutes. The older lady Doris, who lives next door to me, gave me and a few other neighbors those little off-white doctor masks to help us breath. The Fire department updated us at around 8pm last night saying that evacuations are currently voluntary but might become mandatory very soon. All the neighbors met last night to kind of discuss if we were going to leave or not. Cam and Linda who live behind me said they are leaving for sure. Doris believes this is just like fire season, and the fires may get close but they won't reach the homes. I am unsure how I feel about it. About every two years we get a fire along the mountain that threatens our homes, and some people leave and some stay. Where I live I have always been lucky the fire either gets put under control or the wind shifts it a new direction. This fire feels different, its not really even that close to use but the smoke is so black. I am think the evacuations are because the smoke might be toxic. That is just a guess. It doesn't really make sense to evacuate when the fire isn't even within 3 miles of us so why is it happening? Tom says that one of the firefighters, a friend of his, told him it was best to leave, and that several places in Simi had already been evacuated.

I finally saw some news this morning but all it said is that we have a large wildfire that is only 17% contained, and that some areas have been evacuated. It also said traffic into Simi Valley was restricted to emergency personnel only. I guess this means we are free to leave but if we do we can't come back.

All of this just isn't adding up for me. It doesn't explain what happened by the hospital, or why guys in Yellow Hazmat suits were all over, or why all those house were covered in plastic sheets. I guess I need to make a decision pretty quick. I will keep you posted. Oh and here is a pic I got this morning of the smoke.

~Johnny~
Support Natural Selection.

For Whom the Bells Toll

At 6am this morning I awoke to the bleating of sirens and horns, I stumble out of bed only half aware of what is going on, and angry to be up 40 minutes before my alarm. I make my way to the front porch to see what the commotion is and it’s the Fire Department and the men in Yellow suits, who I think are the CDC. They are driving slowly up and down each street informing us with their loud speakers " DUE TO A LARGE CHEMICAL FIRE EVERYONE IS TO STAY INDOORS UNTIL YOU ARE EVACUATED OR GIVEN THE ALL CLEAR". Time to check the news again, oh boy I can’t wait.

Tranquilnow@gmail.com
~Johnny~
Chant you Mindless Cattle